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in the dawn of grey despair

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[13 Jan 2004|03:51pm]
i must conform. plus i'm getting kind of tired of the blood brothers. so new journal ohannabellee add it. right now. tell your friends!
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[12 Jan 2004|09:17pm]
for that one man that's never stepped on ground so spent
has he not missed out on what we all regret
does he suffer pangs and anguish from making a right choice
when all we've done is take wrong steps and leave the good behind
his features beam a jolly essence his voice so full of glee
yet every time his eyelids pull apart, there's an emptyness so great
so hard, that even with his countenance so strong, his heart just falls apart
if it's all the same, then why make a choice
it's all the same
we have no choice
and if ever there was a man so strong
that his choices made no impact
then let that man become a god
and let him lead us to a new tommorow
one where there are no choices
and everything you do
and everything you say
doesn't change what happens
in the following day
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[10 Jan 2004|10:46pm]
casually she flows down staircase after staircase
hair a-kimbo, face a-skew
playing her violin in perfect harmony with her steps
she must have played a million notes by now

it takes the fun out of playing
it takes the life out of living
her songs a sullen solo
her steps a leaden race

fingers calloused, veins dialated
her tone growes flatter
her notes go higher
strings scream in constant stress

she stumbles on her weighted feet
her friend flies through the air
lands in shards amongst the glass
she lost her cause and lost he path

now she throws herself over the banisters
lands among the shattered wood
breaks apart and lies untamed
she'll use the strings to stich herself again
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[10 Jan 2004|09:11pm]
i hadn't listened to at the drive-in in such a long time. now listining to them, gives me this huge nostalgic feeling, and makes me kind of sad too. i remember going to michaels house and listining to them on his crappy cd player and playing gta3. then getting people together (travis matt manuel tabby) and playing in his garage, playing music that is. i remembered when they were laying quarintined, those were the days man. man. mannnn. oh well. :(
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[10 Jan 2004|04:48pm]
shoot, what a great day. i've been listining to iron maiden all day. and now i'm going to sit on the couch watch shrek and eat micrwaved lasagna. have fun.
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[09 Jan 2004|05:41pm]
At lunch, i was walking around aimlessly, and i came upon this kid who brings his guitar like everyday, and i sat down and started playing with him, and we started playing misfits songs back and forth. eventualy people passed by, one kid dropped us a dollar, then came back and dropped a dime, then a quarter. what a sweet business. so i'm supposed to record him the locust cd on a tape since i don't have a burner. he's a cool kid, he likes good music. [note to self: find out his name]. oh and an update to the "kick back party"-"there's gonna be weed there too, but only enough for the girls". can i truly turn down such a great party? yes, yes i can. gah my parents are going to san diego this weekend, and they're NOT taking me with them. oh well, at least i'll be alone, maybe i'll have me a "kick back party" maybe.
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[08 Jan 2004|09:00pm]
oh my, music theory is complicated. i realllly need to take some lessons, but i'm left to using online tutorials. they sorta helped. i can sorta read standard noting now. other than that. oh shoot. i need to talk to someone and "express my feelings". there's really no one i can talk to without feeling all stupid and dumb for comlaining except for kris, but she's no on. so i'll "bottle up and explode!" no i won't, i'll go shower then watch wrestling. that always works.
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[08 Jan 2004|04:36pm]
all you cool people who use msn messenger, add my new address thedawnofgreydespair@hotmail.com, add away girlies.
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the phantom of the opera [07 Jan 2004|09:09pm]
Practice practice practice. it really does work. i actually used this computer for actual homework. it's crazy. haha this kid invited me to his "kick back party" he was like "there's gonna be beer, and if you don't wanna get drunk there'll be wine coolers, if you just want a buzz" great, i love wine coolers. i'm not going though, i hate that kid. i want his girlfriend though. no i don't.
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true story, i swear. kind of like fantasia. [06 Jan 2004|08:32pm]
well. i wish i could tell you some amusing story. once again, i wish. and i also wish that the spotlight wasn't so fast to fade, and that the curtains remained parted for longer than it takes for the play to reach the climax. this play has reached the climax folks, and if you'd please, the curtains are closing so exit via the disegnated, exit. you know i love you actress, and although my script ran to 10 pages, you only supplied me with 5. i was halfway done, or half way begun, but already i am through. or it's with me that you are through. you don't need a b movie star, you have a hollywood fox. though when your leg was broken, i liked to think i was your crutch. now that it's healed you don't use me as much. don't take it too hard, dont' take it at all. you had a rough start in hollywood. it took you so long to land a good job. and now that you have it, you don't need a crutch. just to let you know, i'm still in your closet, and i can still be used. and i hope that your acting job goes as well as it should.

i love staring
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[05 Jan 2004|08:21pm]
[ mood | irate ]

a lot of kids at school say i'm mean, i'm not mean. i'm nice :). or maybe it's things like this:

Waking in the dawn of grey despair, your dreams are over and the winter is here says:
i really don't like you
Waking in the dawn of grey despair, your dreams are over and the winter is here says:
no offense

maybe i'm just too cool for them. that's it. like this kid at school "why are you so...are you pmsing?" me: "yeah dude, since i'm a female, shutup". so should i be nicer? nah these kids aren't worth it.

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i wish...that you could share the love you'd shared with others with me [05 Jan 2004|07:28pm]
[ mood | jealous ]

there's this line somewhere in the beggining of act 5 in julius caeser that says "give up the ghost". i wonder if that's where the band got their name. oh i do wonder. hey school was cool. but, they charge $1.25 for soda's at the soda machines now. what the hell man. that's like. more. everythign makes me angry. i'm angry. shutup.

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[04 Jan 2004|08:50pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

every day i half expect something good to happen, then at the end of the day i'm always dissapointed. i have one conversation open. no one else talks. bring on the pity.

oh and you, and you're are two different words. sound it out if you have to. you. you're, this is a funny one, see it's you and are put together, you're.

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[04 Jan 2004|02:26pm]
happy birthday emily.
Bored as fuck with this street corner-cover says:
yeah. in it me and dora get freaky
i just want to hug you and take you to sea world says:
like that
i just want to hug you and take you to sea world says:
yeah yeah
i just want to hug you and take you to sea world says:
ew shut up
i just want to hug you and take you to sea world says:
when you say dora you are basically saying rodi
Bored as fuck with this street corner-cover says:
yeah you wish
i just want to hug you and take you to sea world says:
awwwwwwwwww sueee i wish i was your lover damnnnn

yeah you WISH. now go stand in line.
4 comments|post comment

[04 Jan 2004|12:37pm]

so i ended up getting offline at 4:45, then slept like at 5 am. then i got up at 10. now. now what.

seriously, as soon, or if, this thing gets back in stock http://www.cinderblock.com/wc.dll?WebStore~ViewItem~TIG~TGR-BLT1~SID=04010412331473827282 buy me it. i'll pay you back and love you foreva'. this is a serious one folks.

and i guess i need to start a new project, i'll think something up.

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get on with it, can't you see it's time to quit? [03 Jan 2004|11:42pm]
Well here is, for those who missed it or didn't care. My little project. read it damnit.

Seven Days of Perpetual Hope Matched Only by the Will to DieCollapse )
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finally [03 Jan 2004|10:45pm]
day 7:
at times i think to myself "i don't know how much longer i can live like this." that is if you can call this "living". but now this is foolish, i know exactly how long it will take for me to break down, be broken. for my stamina to wear down from immortal steel, down to the weakest sliver of graphite. i guess this is what prison does. like the dirtiest of needles, it introduces itself into your skin. down deeper then you can scratch, try as you might. you think you can dig it out? try, scratch, burn, stab and rip off your very skin. but it's in too deep, it's now running through your viens. pumping through your arteries and capillaries, swimming through the chambers of your heart, finally stopping in your brain, sometimes leeking into your eyes, clouding your judgement. that's how incarceration works, this is how you pay the price. so it's fair to say some make it out. but it's truthfull to say only a part of them makes it out. the part that breathes walks and eats. everythign else is left in here rotting in the gutters. and i, after only 7 days of decaying inside this place, i've seen too much. hiding in my cell, my only shelter, i saw it all. in the showers, they sodomized away every emotion and thought. with one intruding vessel it all was swept away with the bloody water flowing down the drains. corruption also runs through here like a marathon, faster than disease. guards bought and moved to one side with a simple green flash of currency, or whatever they'll take. just take a step down this hall and you'll see, and hear. down come the clubs and fists, hitting his soft flesh and making themselves heard in the form of screams, then moans, then the empty sound of fists beating cold, dead meat. frankly i've seen enough. and i've served out my sentence. i'll no longer have to endure seeing it all played out before me. tonight i escape. tonight i die. perhapds you noticed that the ink has been replaced by such a cliched form of caligraphy. that of blood on paper. and every stroke of this pen, is an ounce of blood lost. and as i near the final ounces, let it be known. my sentence is served, and tonight, i am set free.
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[03 Jan 2004|06:16pm]
parents gone.

party at my house, everyone come over. no i'm serious.
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[02 Jan 2004|10:03pm]
day 6:
To-day a poem.

Arms of leather, wrapped and laced across his tired and rebellious chest
He struggles for forgiveness, yet he bends beneath opression
Shackled and irate his body is dragged back through the very halls he cursed
His mind seethes and boils within its own regression

He'll awake with bruises mapping his face and arms
All a product of a struggle for freedom
His ankles lay broken and sabotoged
oh you should have seen him

In night's middle hour he stood against the dark
He squeezed through the bars he spread further apart
the guards where asleep and inert
and with this he flew through the night like a dart

across the lawn still wet with dew
and through the gardens that look so good
he stopped to catch his breath
and maybe grab some fruit

upon reaching the fence, he noticed many things
they're dark and cold, and wear a hat of barbed wire
they reach to the sky and leave nothing to the imagination
through all this, his eyes still burned with desire

but too soon his path cut short
spotlights shot on and turned the night to day
the gaurds raised the alarm
released the dogs, to his dismay

they tore at him, and dragged him back
the warden was there to see him caught
he broke off the dogs like skeleton fingers
and ran towards the warden, whose throat he sought

they caught him, beat him, kicked him
maced him, restrained him, brought him back to capture
into the prison, through those halls
we knew he'd escape again, and finally reach his rapture
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[02 Jan 2004|11:52am]
My dad's gonna be a trucker. it's gonna be sweet. other than that, nothign new or slitetly interesting to document. If i was rich, or talented, i'd go to spain and study classical/flamenco guitar. maybe someday. someday.
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